Ya know what I hate? People who lecture!...let me rephrase; people who lecture with out knowing the full story. In the last year--as I've been dealing with some difficult personal situations--I'll begin to confide in some of the few people that I really trust enough to talk to about some fairly serious, personal things, but before I get half way through what I have to say they are already trying to tell me what I need to do to fix the problem. Like they know what I have to say--which I am betting they don't, because none of the advice they give me is new, or anything I haven't already thought about (and they would know that if they'd let me finish), nor does it help! It feels so insulting on so many levels:
- It feels like arrogance on their part; like they have the ability to give me advice about situations that I know they don't understand--we're talking about people that I have known for either 10+ years, people that I know very intimately, or a combination of the two--and either way I know for sure that they have not dealt with the issues at hand...yet somehow they believe themselves to be qualified to point out what I'm doing wrong, what I need to fix, and what I don't know. I would never claim that I'm perfect and that I'm doing everything perfectly--of course there are things for me to change and fix, and plenty that I don't know...but it doesn't happen to be the things that these people are pointing out. Ya know why? Because these people don't know what they're talking about; not only is it a situation around which they are unable to wrap their heads, but they didn't even let me finish in the first place!--and that makes it impossible for them to know what they're talking about!
- It feels like what I'm saying is not important; it's not even worth 10 minutes to let me fully explain the situation and then express my feelings about the situation. My feelings, and the situation itself are both trivialized by the fact that they assume that they know where I'm going with this...what is so hard about just LISTENING?--maybe I don't even want them to tell me what to do! Maybe I just want someone to take the time to understand me, and who I am, and what I'm facing, and how I approach/view it. Maybe I just want to know that someone else knows what's going on and is there for me--that I'm not alone...
- But when all they want to do is fix the situation it doesn't necessarily feel like they're trying to fix it out of love for me. It feels more like either they don't care enough to want to be there for me--so they just want to get the situation over with as quickly as possible, or they want to find personal glory in "fixing me".
Before I finish I want to say that I know that most of how I feel in response to these people is most likely not what is actually happening...but that also doesn't change the fact that it feels that way.
...I know this isn't a very "pretty" view of some of my feelings, but it is as real as it gets...
2 comments:
Despite the disclaimer, I feel as though this was directed at me.
As someone who has probably done this in the past, I apologize to the world. As someone who sympathizes with you, this sucks. I totally love you Court!
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