My Apology to the World

When I look back on things that I've done or said in my short life there are things that I'm proud of, there are things that I'm indifferent towards, and there are things that make me cringe. So many things make me sit back and ask "Really? That was me? I did that?...Why? What was I thinking?!!!" I'm not really talking about dumb, embarrassing moments (like the time I was sophomore in high school and I was laughing so hard that I snorted and a whole bunch of snot came out my nose)--most of those are more funny than anything when I think about them now. No...sigh...I'm talking about the times that I thought I was being funny, or clever, or intelligent, or "spiritual", or more adult-like or times when I was trying to show off, but look like I was trying to be humble... At those moments I always made some comment that I thought was perfect...only to realize it was ridiculous (no, no examples...I don't want to repeat them, and--trust me--you don't want to hear them). Remembering the looks that I got on those occasions still makes me want to crawl under the nearest piece of furniture. When I think about things like this it makes me so glad that Doug and I didn't know each other in high school...because if he had known that version of me I don't think he would have wanted to marry me.
And so I want to apologize to everyone who was on the other end of these ridiculous moments--mostly family members and roommates...I can think of a couple of seminary teachers who fit here too. You were all so kind about how silly I was. (Am I the only one that feels this way?) And who knows?--Maybe in another 23 yrs I'll feel the need to write another one of these...but I'm not sure why I feel the need to write this now. Maybe I'm hoping that it will have a cleansing effect and make the cringing go away.