So many good friends of mine have said that Babywise was their life-saver. I finished reading the Babywise book back at the beginning of October. I really liked and agreed with the majority of what the author had to say and totally want to do it with Abbie. My sister-in-law--who has done it with her two little boys--said that she never started it with them until they were 3 weeks old. I thought that sounded like a good idea too. So what I decided I would do was go for the full feeding every time (like the book recommends), and make sure that I was feeding her 8 times/day for the first 3 weeks of her life, and that would be all. I thought that once she was 3 weeks old we'd be half way to the schedule that would save our sanity. But the more I get to know my Little Abbie, the more problems I foresee with implementing Babywise.
For starters, I have to listen to her cry...[In the hospital there a time when the nurses were taking both mine and Abbie's vitals at the same time. Abbie was crying and my blood pressure shot up to 154--Just to put that into perspective, a person's blood pressure is considered "high" at 140 and through my whole pregnancy my blood pressure was somewhere between 116 and 124.] I get so anxious hearing her cry. I just want to hold her and soothe her and make everything better. Clearly that would be a problem for me so, I asked some friends how they handle it when their little ones cry. The best advice I got was to give it 15 mins and see how Abbie is at that point. The other day I thought I would test it just to see if it would work for us the way it had worked for my friend. So I changed her, fed her, burped her, gave her 15 mins of "wake-time" and laid her down awake and in a calm...15 mins later Abbie started screaming, and continued to scream for 25 mins before I couldn't stand it anymore. A couple of days after that I tried it again. I got her all ready and comfortable and put her down...and she screamed for over 30 mins before I turned into a marshmallow and went in and got her. The moment someone picked her up she would stop crying (and usually fall asleep in our arm about 20 mins after being picked up)
Then there is sleeping. Once Abbie is asleep she is asleep. It has taken me over 40 mins to wake her up for her next feeding. So she ends up sleeping longer and not only is the schedule thrown off at this point, but she has now gotten more sleep than planned and isn't tired enough to be put down for the next nap. So she stays awake for the full time between feedings and by the time I feed her again she is sooo tired that she falls asleep in my arms(at least I think that is the problem, or part of it).
So this post is me reaching out...asking for help and advice. How long did it take all of you to get your little ones into a groove? Should I be concerned about this not working so well yet, or is it too early to worry? Any ideas on how to handle what's going on?...help...
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8 comments:
I've never read Babywise, but I have heard good things about it. Our pediatrician told us to let our baby set her schedule for the first 2-3 months. He recommended not even trying to teach self soothing until around three months. I've read other books that say to wait as long as 4 or 6 months, so I think it really depends a lot on your baby (and you, of course).
We waited until 4 months to 'cry it out' and it worked really well for us, it only took a few days for Teresa to learn to soothe herself to sleep. If it's more stressful for you to let her cry, and if after a few days she's still not adjusting, I would stop and just try again in a few weeks/months.
I definitely feel for you, the first few months T would only nap if she was being held, and it was SO hard, but we figured it out eventually, and y'all will too!
We did BW with the first two & 1/2 kids, and then ditched it. . . and I'm glad we did. It is not the magic cure-all that it presents itself to be. . . and if you can tell already that parts of it won't "work" for you and your little one, don't do it!
And in all honestly, while BW may "work" for some babies, it really isn't based on research on infant growth, feeding, development and sleep. It's a collection of ideas that provide a framework that can be re-assuring.
I really like the evidence-based info at kellymom.com .
But regardless. . . you are Abbie's mom. She is your daughter. No book, no research, no other family can really tell you what she needs, what you need. You (and your daughter!) are learning each day, building a relationship, communicating. . . that may "fit" with BW, or it may not "fit." Either way, it's an ongoing and learning process for both of you.
I would say to do the best you can with the full feedings/schedules and use a few of those "crutches" with her as a newborn like swings, vibrating chairs, pacifiers, or rocking with her. Looking back, I was so worried about ruining Landon by those "crutches" but in the end, I think he would have been okay if we did the cry it out even at 2 or 3 months old. The first two months are the hardest! So, if you need to rock her to sleep or hold her or stick her in a swing, I would do it. That was the only way I could get Landon to take naps some days, and for my sanity and for how tired he was, it was worth it. I don't think it messed him up at all, and in the end he slept through the night by the time he was about 4 months old. That's longer than what Babywise suggests, but every baby is different and it may be that Abbie is like Landon and may take a little longer to understand that she needs to go sleep on her own, and crying it out may be too early for her yet... Hope that makes sense. HANG IN THERE!!! It does get easier, I promise!
I would say just to go with your gut what works best for you and your baby. If you feel like you should wake to feed or just let her sleep then do it.
A lot of the research I've read says not to do CIO until 6 months (which we totally plan on doing). Aidan has had issues gaining weight so I just let him set the schedule. I can't really handle him crying for long. He still sleeps in the swing for his naps during the day and his crib most of the night and he's barely 3 months. I really liked "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" to better understand his cues, to understand temperamemts and to realize what's "normal" in certain stages. Aidan usually naturally gets tired now after 2 hours of being awake during the day and will do at least 1-2 stretches of 4-5 hours at night. But that's only what's worked for us and everyone is different.
I really have enjoyed Happiest Baby on the block, the video... i have never read the book. I didn't use a lot of it cause of special circumstances, but the things that I did use I loved. good luck!
My opinion - I say "no worries!" Abbie is still soooo little. I know I've only had two babies so far, but they both showed me that newborns can be hard to wake up (if it proves impossible, I just let them be and try again in 20 minutes ish,) and each one has different needs. Some newborns like rocking, some don't. Some like to be held, some don't. Some like a binkie, some don't. Don't worry if it takes time to figure out what she needs (and don't worry if it changes a little after you figure it out!) A lot of times, I would just apply parts of baby wise at a time as my kids were ready for it. I always had the rotation from the beginning, but I say always as in "that's what we did most of the time, but every once in a while the child took charge and that was okay." Good luck! You can do it!
Things any smoother? It's normal to have good days and rough days as a new mom with a little one. . . Hope y'all are feeling a little better. . .
This comment may be way too late in the game, but I thought I'd share anyway. My first was sooo difficult. I don't want to discourage, but it took her six months to sleep through the night - and I was a wreck. And she is a SCREAMER. It was so tough and I actually get anxiety over hearing my kids cry.
My second was a totally different story. I hardly had to do anything and she slept 8 hours a night after her first month.
Yes, I did BabyWise with both of them. The point I'm trying to make is, each baby is different and there's only so much you can handle.
To sum it all up, do what YOU can handle, and what you honestly think she can handle. You can be a little more firm as she gets older. Waiting until the four-month mark is a good marker for "crying it out," just as some others said. Just treasure her for now. Lots of love!
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