I have had several people tell me that I need to start posting more, and for a long time my excuse for not doing so was "I don't have anything to say." But in the last few months that excuse has become as transparent to me, as I'm sure it always was to everyone else I ever gave it to. I'm not sure any of them would believe me if I told them that I have been trying to post more, and I've actually been wanting to--because I have. It seems like I have tried hundreds of times to sit down to add something to my blog, but every time I end up deleting it because it's something that I'm sure will sound ridiculous...and even admitting that sounds ridiculous to me. "Who cares what other people think?!"--that is supposed to be the attitude of an overly-opinionated, educated, adult, right? I'm starting to see what a hard time I have reaching out, and fully expressing anything that I feel--whether we're talking about something funny, philosophical, sad...anything!
Why?--I have a couple of ideas. I'm awful at getting to a point where any part of me is exposed--I've never been very good at vulnerability, just ask Doug. Putting it out there for the whole world to see?--how scary is that?!! And I'm not very good with words as it is. I have this one friend, and every time I read his blog I am so impressed at what he has to say, and the way he thinks it through, and how beautifully he words it...and I become intimidated, because I don't think I can frame things as beautifully or as cleverly as he does. How silly does all of this sound?--I sound like I'm in second grade!
Could it change? Yeah!--anything is possible.
Will it? I don't know
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